Fearful Symmetry
by DarkChilde2
Summary: Fathers fear that their children will repeat their mistakes. Slash, Clark/Lex, other m/m pairing


Title: Fearful Symmetry 1/?  
Author: DarkChilde  
Email: princess220@alltel.net  
Rating: R overall  
Spoiler Warning: Specific spoilers for Stray and Crush I don't think there's  
anything too specific for the other episodes in this.  
Summary: The players change but the game remains the same, or at least  
that's a father's fear.  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the story. No profit is made.  
Distribution: All list archives. If you want it, take it. Please let me  
know.  
Feedback: Yes please. I crave it.  
Author's Notes: This would never have been possible without the help of my  
most excellent betas. This was one of the harder things I've ever written  
and I'm not sure I would have accomplished it without their help. Thanks  
especially to Kel who did some of the best line editing I've ever had. Any  
mistakes are my responsibility alone.  
  
  
1992-Metropolis  
  
Lionel Luthor stood, quietly watching his oldest--no, only--son. The boy was  
being held close by his sobbing mother. Tears welled in Lex's eyes as well,  
but they never fell. To Lionel, it seemed as though Lex were holding them  
back through sheer force of will alone. He was his father's son, learning  
lessons well already at this young age. He must be taught that love brought  
only pain and betrayal. It was a lesson that had only been reiterated in  
Lionel's mind these past weeks. If he could simply teach his son to avoid  
love at all costs, then perhaps he would never have to experience this for  
himself. The boy was near to hating him already, perhaps it was time to see  
that completed. It would be difficult, but if his son's hatred of him would  
protect Lex from the pain that Lionel had known, it would be worth it.  
  
2002-Smallville  
  
Lionel had a feeling of eerie familiarity as he stood behind glass doors  
watching his son. Lex didn't yet realize that he was there. It had been a  
long time since his son had been relaxed enough that Lionel could observe  
him without his knowledge. Lex was actually sitting on the grass, the  
expensive lawn furniture around him going to waste. He was smiling and  
laughing as he talked to the young man next to him. Unless Lionel was  
mistaken--an infrequent occurrence--the young man was Clark Kent.  
  
Their expressions disturbed Lionel. They called forth images from his past.  
Images of two people he had once loved--still loved if he were honest with  
himself. Two people who were forever lost to him. Lex's face held a need  
that Lionel recognized as his own. There was heat in the look, but at its  
heart it wasn't about sex. It was about friendship, acceptance, and trust.  
It was a look that he'd thought forever burned out of Lex. He'd hoped that  
Lex lacked the capacity to trust and the need for acceptance.It appeared he  
was wrong. Still, it was the answering expression from the boy that troubled  
him more. His eyes held curiosity, a genuine affection, and an innocence  
that Lionel no longer believed in. That look frightened him because he had  
seen it before also. It was the same look given to him by the only two  
people he had ever fallen in love with--the look they gave him in the  
beginning. It scared Lionel because he knew the looks that would come later:  
looks of disgust, looks of anger, and looks of betrayal. He had to end this,  
before his son was subjected to the same lessons he had been.  
  
These thoughts weighed heavily on his mind as he pushed open the door and  
called out to his son. "Lex, I'd like to go over the 2nd quarter numbers  
with you again." His voice did nothing to betray his thoughts. It was the  
same cold calculating voice he used with any of his employees and was the  
only voice that Lex had heard from him for a number of years.  
  
"Dad, I don't recall you letting my staff know you would be coming, or  
making an appointment." Lex's demeanor had changed as soon as he heard his  
father's voice. His carefully built shields dropping back into place, hiding  
the genuine emotions he had shown only a moment before. His posture  
stiffened, and tension radiated through his body.  
  
"I didn't see the need. You're my son and this belongs to me." Lionel  
gestured at the Castle and grounds. "I don't plan on staying long, but I do  
want to speak with you about a few issues with the plant."  
  
Lex glanced across at Clark, clearly unwilling to start this particular  
fight with his young friend still present. "Clark, I'm sorry. I'll catch up  
with you later in the week." He allowed a touch of genuine emotion to creep  
into his voice, knowing and not caring that his father would make him pay  
for it later.  
  
Clark flashed his blinding smile at Lex. "I understand. If you get finished,  
I'll be at the Talon all evening with Pete and Chloe." His expression grew  
cold and his voice was even colder as he turned to look at Lionel. "Mr.  
Luthor." It was just an acknowledgement of the other man's presence, nothing  
more. Clark walked away from them then, leaving Lionel and Lex alone.  
  
"Have you fucked him yet?" Lionel's voice was still cool and controlled, as  
if the question were about dinner plans or decorating choices.  
  
"No, and I don't plan on it either. Clark is a friend." Lex's own voice held  
the same control, but Lionel had been deciphering his son's thoughts for  
years and recognized the cold edge of anger in his voice.  
  
"Of course he is, Lex. You know I will find out...whether you choose to tell  
me or not." Lionel allowed the sneer to creep into his voice.  
  
"There is nothing to find out. Now if you actually want to talk about  
numbers, I suggest we go to my office." Lex didn't look back to see if his  
father followed him, merely walked inside and started down the hallway.  
  
Hours later, Lex drove into town, hoping to catch Clark still at the Talon.  
Lionel followed; he wanted to see for himself this 'friendship' that Lex  
claimed he shared with the boy. In this small town, there was no chance he  
could go unnoticed though, so he held back, waiting to see that Lex was  
indeed going in to meet the boy. He would have to start some surveillance.  
Lionel didn't quite believe Lex's protestations of friendship, the whole  
situation reminded him too much of his own past.  
  
Lex slid through the crowd at the Talon. It seemed their customer issues  
were fixed, there was no shortage of people there tonight. His eyes scanned  
the room, looking for Clark. Lex finally spotted him across the room. He  
took a moment just to watch. Clark was obviously enjoying time with his  
friends. Clark laughed as Chloe made some comment, and then flashed his  
smile that lit up the whole room. It was good to see him like this. Too much  
of their lives were taken up with pain and horror; it was good to see that  
Clark could leave that behind. Lex crossed the room, a genuine smile on his  
own face. "Hi Clark. Just thought I'd see if you were still here, so we  
could reschedule our plans." His voice was warm and the smile he gave even  
warmer.  
  
"Lex! You got away from your father, I see. Sit down, have some coffee."  
Clark turned that smile on him, and Lex thought that he might melt from the  
warmth of it.  
  
"Mmm, I made a timely escape. I'm sorry about today. I didn't know he was  
coming." Lex apologized as he slid into the booth next to Clark, justifying  
it to himself by pointing out it was the only open seat left.  
  
Clark laughed. "Hey, It's fine. We'll do it some other time. Just movies and  
stuff anyway."  
  
"Gotta go. Catch you in school tomorrow Clark." Pete slipped away, the  
bitter edge in his voice not escaping Lex's attention.  
  
"So what were your plans for today anyway?" Chloe asked. She was curious as  
to just what Clark did when he was at the castle.  
  
"Like I said, just movies and stuff. We were going to have pizza, other junk  
food, you know." Clark answered her.  
  
"Yeah I guess. Sorry guys, but I've got to run too. I still have homework,  
and the Torch doesn't write itself. See you tomorrow, Clark. Bye Lex." Chloe  
gathered her things up and left in a small whirlwind of energy. Sometimes  
Clark wondered if she wasn't the one with superspeed, but he knew it was  
just an impression she gave of constant activity.  
  
Lex reluctantly moved to take the seat across from Clark. He would have  
liked to stay where he was, where he could feel the heat from Clark's body.  
It was probably better that he move though. "So when do you want to get  
together?"  
  
"It'll have to be next weekend. There's no way Mom and Dad are going to let  
me come over on a school night."  
  
"All right, next Saturday?"  
  
"Sure, sounds great. I'll tell Mom tonight." Clark smiles again. "Now I  
really should go home too, otherwise she might not let me out next week."  
  
"I'll drive you. Come on." Clark follows Lex out of the Talon. He can't  
resist a ride in one of Lex's sleek cars. Neither of them sees Lionel,  
waiting in the shadows.  
  
The next week was uneventful for Clark and Lex, but Lionel Luthor was busy  
behind the scenes. He needed to know just how much damage had been done to  
the careful education in betrayal he had provided for his son. He needed to  
know how the lessons would best be renewed. To do that, Lex would have to be  
watched even more closely than usual. Not an easy task. Lex was intelligent  
and had become a master at avoiding his father's watchful eyes over the  
years. But this was necessary for the future happiness of his son, or if not  
happiness at least the avoidance of pain. It was necessary.  
  
Saturday morning dawned clear and bright, and Clark raced through his  
chores. As soon as he was finished he changed and left in a whirlwind, his  
mother barely catching the shouted Bye as he left.  
  
Martha smiled, happy that her boy was so enthusiastic about spending time  
with someone. He had never had a friendship like this before, and while  
Martha knew that her husband was less than happy with Clark's choice of  
friends, she herself couldn't fault him. They were good for each other.  
Clark was exposing Lex to a basic code of ethics that was different from  
what passed for ethics in his father's world. He was teaching Lex about  
trust and friendship, things the boy had clearly been denied in his past.  
For his part, Lex was giving Clark a sense of the world beyond Smallville.  
He encouraged Clark to read things that would stretch his sense of self,  
place, time, and ideals, and Martha was glad of that. As much as she loved  
Jonathan, she knew that he had a tendency to see the world as a very simple  
place, black and white, every situation having an appropriate platitude, and  
her own attempts to make Clark see beyond that had been less than  
successful. Yes, she was pleased with their relationship. And if she saw the  
beginnings, the seeds, of something more, well she wouldn't be upset to find  
out about it. They were good for each other and it would only be a  
small step to seeing Clark teach Lex what it meant to love and Lex teach  
Clark about acceptance and being publicly different.  
  
They were both so young. Clark was really just a child, and Lex had less  
understanding of love and relationships than your average 5 year old. It  
was hard, knowing that she would have to give him up so young, but Martha  
was confident that it would work for the best.  
  
Clark was just vaguely uneasy when he reached the castle. He felt as though  
he was being watched. But the thought struck him as rather odd, so he shook  
it off and went inside. Clark had quit waiting to be allowed in months ago,  
and Lex didn't seem to mind. Clark knew that he would find Lex in his study.  
They had plans today and Lex wouldn't spoil them with work, but that didn't  
mean that he wouldn't work right up until the minute Clark arrived. He  
worked too hard, his every moment was taken up with reports and projections  
and other things that Clark barely understood.  
  
The door to the study was open and Clark just looked at his best friend for  
a long moment before announcing his presence. Lex was wearing his usual  
black slacks and a steely grey dress shirt that managed to both reflect and  
complement his eyes. Sitting there at his desk intent on the papers in front  
of him and whatever was on the screen of his computer, he was possibly the  
most beautiful thing that Clark had ever seen. It still startled him that he  
could think that about his best friend, but he did. For a long time, he had  
resisted the idea as wrong somehow. It didn't seem to fit in a world where  
Lana had been his ideal of beauty, but he couldn't deny his reaction to the  
sight of his friend. He had quit trying to fight it. One day he'd tell Lex,  
but probably not today. Not while it was still so new, and he was unsure of  
Lex's reaction. Clark finally stepped into the room and spoke before he  
could be caught looking. "Hey Lex. Whatcha up to?"  
  
Lex glanced up, a little startled. Clark was the only person he knew that  
could appear without him being aware of it. "Hi Clark. I was just catching  
up on some things. Nothing too terribly important and certainly nothing  
that's going to keep me away from the lure of bad movies and junk food. And  
don't worry, my father won't interrupt this week. He's out of the country  
and I sincerely doubt he would fly home and then come to Smallville just to  
ruin my weekend. It could happen, but it's not likely, even from him."  
  
"Good. I've got all day. Pete is going somewhere with his brothers and Chloe  
is visiting her mom. I told Mom I was going to miss lunch and supper today,  
so you better be prepared to feed me." Clark's voice was softly teasing. He  
was looking forward to this day, had been all week.  
  
Lex laughed, god it was good to have Clark here. "Oh, I think I can handle  
that. We're strictly talking Pizza and Chinese take-out today though. I sent  
the cook home, all of the staff actually. They haven't had a day off in a  
while, and I figured I could just make you get things for me, considering  
you were going to be here anyway." Lex's voice was similarly light. In truth  
he had given the staff the day off on the extremely unlikely chance that  
something would happen with Clark. He didn't want prying eyes to see. He  
trusted his staff; he paid them well and most of them were afraid of him,  
but his father could always pay better and was at least as intimidating.  
  
"Sounds good to me. Come on, lets go get snacks. We can't watch movies  
without snacks." Clark bounced down the hall towards the kitchen, Lex  
trailing along behind.  
  
Lex's kitchen was huge, and honestly he had no idea where to even begin  
looking for snacks. He actually rather doubted that the cook had anything in  
this kitchen that Clark would find sufficiently non-nutritious to consider  
"movie food." "I doubt there's anything here that will do. Why don't we  
take a quick trip into town and pick some stuff up?"  
  
"Cool, which car?" Clark asked.  
  
"Whichever one you like." Lex laughed at Clark's enthusiasm.  
  
"Ferrari, black." This was said with certainty, not a touch of indecision.  
"It's my favorite."  
  
"Are you sure? You haven't even seen all of my cars, Clark." Teasing again.  
It amused Lex that Clark had a favorite among his cars.  
  
"I've seen enough to know that's my favorite, but maybe later we can look at  
the rest of them. Just so I know what I'm missing."  
  
"Right. I think we can manage to squeeze that into our busy schedule." Lex  
laughed again, grabbing the keys to the requested black Ferrari.  
  
The ride into town was made in near silence. Clark seemed almost blissful at  
the feel of the car. His fingers stroked the leather of the interior lightly  
and his eyes took in every inch of the vehicle. Lex tried valiantly to keep  
his eyes on the road, but Clark kept distracting him with his looks of sheer  
bliss. Thankfully they made it to the grocery store without wrecking along  
the way. "So now that we're here, what do we get?" Lex asked.  
  
"Haven't you ever done this before?"  
  
"Hanging out watching movies all day wasn't a real popular pastime with the  
crowd I hung out with in Metropolis Clark, and even if it were, I can  
guarantee that their idea of refreshments would be different from yours and  
much less legal." There was an amused tone to Lex's voice  
  
Clark blushed and looked away. "This isn't boring for you is it?" He hadn't  
thought about how typically small town of him it was to suggest this for  
their entertainment.  
  
Lex hadn't meant to upset Clark. "Of course not. Trust me, right now, if  
someone offered me the chance to be in Metropolis at one of the kinds of  
parties I used to go to, I'd choose being here with you. This is more  
special by far, because it's real Clark. That other world is just an  
illusion." That was more than he had meant to say. More than he had ever  
meant to admit to in front of Clark.  
  
"I...Okay. I just wonder sometimes. If you miss it...your life in  
Metropolis." Clark's voice still sounded uncertain and shaky.  
  
"Sometimes I do. Sometimes I miss being able to hide in a crowd. Sometimes I  
miss being able to forget for a few hours that I'm a Luthor and everything  
that means. But Clark...I'd miss what I have here more." Lex's voice holds a  
terribly deep sincerity. He lays one hand gently on Clark's shoulder,  
reassuringly. "Come on, lets go get supplies. You wouldn't want to deprive  
me of the proper movie watching experience."  
  
This seemed to have the desired affect on Clark as he immediately dragged  
Lex into the store talking about Twinkies, popcorn, cheetos and more. When  
they left a short while later, Lex was rather amazed at the sheer volume of  
food that Clark had insisted on. But it had been fun.  
  
They spent the remainder of the morning and most of the afternoon watching a  
neverending supply of bad movies of every genre: horror, action, comedy. The  
only thing these movies had in common was the fact that no critic anywhere  
had or would ever name them as classics.  
  
"I'm hungry, Lex. I think it's time to get dinner."  
  
Lex looked at him as if he had grown an extra head, "How can you possibly be  
hungry. Over the last 6 hours or so you have devoured more than $50 worth of  
junk food and the better part of a large pizza."  
  
"Hey, I'm a growing boy. I need nourishment." Clark responded teasingly.  
  
"I hope not. If you grow much more you won't fit through doorways." Lex  
teased right back.  
  
"Yeah, well. I'm just hungry okay. Teenage metabolism and all."  
  
"Okay, okay. We can order dinner. I didn't eat as much as you, so I could  
stand some myself." Lex picked his cellphone up and called the only Chinese  
  
restaurant in town, ordering another huge amount of food. They promised it  
would be there within a half hour.  
  
They chatted about inconsequential things while they waited for their food.  
When it arrived, Clark surprised Lex again, by suggesting that they take it  
outside.  
  
"Okay, Clark." Lex led Clark back outside to the same place they were the  
last time he had been here. Clark immediately sat back down in the grass.  
"You know there is a table and chairs out here Clark."  
  
"I know, but what fun would eating outside be if you couldn't do it on the  
ground?"  
  
Lex dropped to the ground beside Clark with a sigh. "Gee, I don't know." He  
really didn't mind sitting on the ground, but it was fun to tease Clark.  
  
They ate in a comfortable silence, something pleasantly unusual for both of  
them. Clark was used to the chatter of his family or his friends and Lex was  
unused to being comfortable enough with another person to have silence be  
anything other than excruciating. This was nice.  
  
They had finished eating and were just sitting, looking out at the stars for  
a while when Clark finally spoke. "Hey Lex. I made a decision a couple of  
days ago, and I thought you might like to hear it."  
  
"A decision about what, Clark?" Lex was curious.  
  
"About Lana."  
  
Lex sighed. Clark had undoubtedly decided to finally follow his advice and  
go after the girl. "What did you decide?"  
  
"I don't really want her. I mean, I like her. She's a friend, but I don't  
want to date her anymore." This was delivered in clear confident tones.  
  
"I take it you've shifted you affections elsewhere."  
  
"Yeah, I guess you could say that." This was a little less sure.  
  
"Chloe?" Lex had noticed the subtle changes in their relationship over the  
last weeks.  
  
"No. I thought maybe, but it just didn't feel right. Besides, I don't think  
I'm really what she wants either." Clark's voice had dropped to a quiet  
contemplative tone.  
  
"Then who?" Lex waited to hear who else would be taking Clark Kent away from  
him.  
  
Clark blushed and looked away. He hadn't really meant to bring the  
conversation here. His own feelings were still so new, and he wasn't sure  
how to deal with them yet, much less how Lex would deal with them. "I...It's  
not important Lex."  
  
Lex turned so that he was actually facing Clark. There was a harsh edge to  
his voice when he finally spoke. "If you don't want to tell me, that's fine.  
But just say so. Don't tell me it's not important. It obviously is or we  
wouldn't be having this discussion."  
  
"You know what? How about we talk about your love life for a change?" There  
was just a touch of anger in Clark's voice now. He really just didn't know  
what to say at this point.  
  
Lex had allowed himself to calm again. "If that's what you want, but I warn  
you there isn't anything much to talk about lately."  
  
"Is there someone you want?" Clark asked the question, even though he wasn't  
sure he really wanted to know the answer.  
  
"Yes." No explanation or elaboration was offered.  
  
"Gonna tell me who she is?"  
  
"I would if it were a she." Lex kept his own voice carefully neutral and  
watched for reaction from Clark.  
  
He got one. The shock was clear on Clark's face. "Oh....Oh!" the expression  
shifted to a soft smile.  
  
That certainly wasn't the Lex had been expecting. Clark seemed...pleased  
that Lex had admitted to wanting a guy. Lex had a momentary flash of hope  
that he had been the one Clark now wanted, but it died quickly. In it's  
place came thoughts of who it might be among the young men of Smallville.  
"I'm guessing from your expression that yours isn't a girl either." The  
words came out dry almost sarcastic. Lex really hadn't meant that bite to be  
in them.  
  
Clark shook himself as if startled out of some private reverie. "Uhm, no  
they aren't."  
  
"Well, I guess this is kind of obvious at this point, but that doesn't  
matter to me at all Clark. If that was why you wouldn't say before. I just  
want you to know that the fact that it's a guy won't bother me Clark." Lex's  
voice shifted again, he realized with a start that he had probably let more  
emotion show in his voice in the last 5 minutes than he had in the previous  
year. Now he sounded supportive, caring. It wasn't something he had heard in  
his own voice very often.  
  
"I don't think you should be so sure of that Lex." It was Clark's turn to  
add a sarcastic edge to his voice. He had stood at some point and was now  
pacing.  
  
Lex stood also and reached a hand out to catch Clark's arm. When Clark was  
facing him and standing still again, he spoke. "There is absolutely no one  
you could say that would upset me Clark. I want you to be happy. We're  
friends and who you love isn't going to change that." He was sincere. His  
voice, his words, his expression, they all proved it.  
  
Clark recognized the honesty in Lex's words and before he could talk himself  
out of it, he answered the question. "It's you." The words were soft and  
low, barely carrying, even in the small space between them.  
  
Lex was silent. He was stunned by the answer, a part of his brain telling  
him that he must have heard incorrectly, that Clark could not have just told  
him that he, Lex, was the one he wanted. Clark started to pull away and  
that's what finally made his ability to speak return. He smiled and his grip  
on Clark's arm tightened, just a bit. "Really?" Clark just nodded, blushing  
the deepest scarlet that Lex had ever seen. "Well, then I guess we're lucky,  
because you're the one I was talking about." Lex almost couldn't recognize  
his own voice. It had taken on a dreamy quality and was soft and breathless.  
He had never heard himself speak this way.  
  
Clark stood very still, trying to work Lex's words out in his mind for a  
brief, confused moment. Recognition finally dawned and he broke out into his  
brightest smile, bringing one hand up to cup Lex's cheek. "Yeah, lucky."  
Clark whispered as he bent his head to lightly brush his lips against Lex's.  
  
Lex responded by wrapping his arms around Clark and tugging him closer,  
bringing him flush against his own body. The kiss deepened and tongues  
slipped against each other as they gently explored. Hands too, reached for  
every available bit of flesh. They traced and pressed as if trying to  
memorize each other's bodies by touch alone. After a long moment, they broke  
the kiss.  
  
"That was incredible, but I think we better sit down, before I fall down."  
Lex's voice sounded shaky. He wasn't used to responding this way, not to a  
simple kiss. It was dizzying.  
  
"I wouldn't let you fall." Clark's voice came out husky as he dropped back  
to the ground, bringing Lex with him, despite his words. He took just a  
moment to arrange their bodies into a comfortable position with Lex pulled  
tight against his chest.  
  
"We should probably talk about this." Lex didn't want to break the mood, but  
talking would probably be a good thing.  
  
"Later. For right now, can't we please just have this?" Clark whispered the  
words against Lex's skin. Kissing along his neck.  
  
Lex relaxed into Clark's embrace. "Okay," was his whispered response as he  
twisted to take Clark's mouth again. "Later is good."  
  
They continued their gentle caresses and explorations for hours, under the  
stars, both completely unaware of the watchful eyes that recorded their  
every movement. 


End file.
